WWE Unforgiven (17.09.2006)

WWE Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

This match helped underscore a few different things for me. Firstly, it cemented my belief that Johnny Nitro without Joey Mercury just isn't entertaining. As much as I want to like him, this match and his series with Carlito and Shelton Benjamin (who?) just haven't been much good, usually in the ** range. It's a pretty depressing midcard scene in WWE at the moment in that it actually looks fairly strong on paper but really weak and uninteresting in practice. Secondly, this match proved what little interest I have in Jeff Hardy in 2006. His hair style was ridiculous btw, and as soon as the match kicked off I was hoping he'd lose. Fortunately he did after about 20 minutes (which is probably somewhere between 8-12 minutes too long for these two to have an entertaining match). In it's defence I will say they had some hot near falls where you believed Hardy was going to take it but it didn't have much else going for it, and had the unfortunate addition of Melina on the outside screaming every 90 seconds or so. Yes, I know it's meant to be annoying and make you want to see her get beat up but it's the kind of irritant that just makes me turn off altogether.

Umaga vs. Kane

Speaking of things that make me want to turn off altogether, read Kane. He hasn't been interesting character-wise in ages and his match nearly always sucks. Hell, I love Chris Benoit as much as the next cynical fanboy but those matches they had in 2004 when Benoit was World Champion still bored me to tears. Umaga meanwhile is the comic book heel straight out of the 1980s, so of course he's awesome. He's also different to anything else WWE has right now which is a bonus. Anyway, this was the perfect opportunity to put Umaga over with a big win against the stale-but-credible 'Big Red Machine' who's on the downward slope as it is. So of course, they gave us a double count-0ut, doing nothing for anyone. Maybe that's a little unfair since they'll likely do a fans-vote-for-the-gimmick match at Cyber Sunday next month but damn, if Umaga doesn't go over decisively I'll be pissed.

WWE Tag Team Titles: The Spirit Squad (Kenny & Mikey) vs. The Highlanders (Rory McAllister & Robbie McAllister)

I thought it was a bit of a waste doing the Roddy Piper endorsement match on Raw but I suppose that was at MSG, more people will have been watching on TV and this pay-per-view was already loaded up anyway but still. I remember very little about this match other than my thoughts going in - "I see no reason for the Spirit Squad to drop the belts since neither team has any other credible challengers and nothing interesting going for them progam-wise and keeping the belts where they are will at least help stabalise them). Robbie McAllister missed a plancha, Spirit Squad won. I guess they'll drop the belts next month at Cyber Sunday to the two guys who don't get voted into the World Title match as history dictates will happen.

Hell In A Cell: D-Generation-X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) vs. Mr. McMahon, Shane McMahon & ECW Champion The Big Show

Crowd was pretty subdued after the previous match (likely the point anyway) and they had a new Cell for this one which was a few feet higher and had an annoying steel cross slap bang in the middle. McMahons bladed early after DX had kicked Big Show in the nuts a couple of times and they did a bunch of spots with the cage, you know the kind of thing by now. Michaels soon got blood and Triple H bladed his ear off a Van Terminator from Shane then it all got silly. Shawn crushed Shane's larynx with an elbow onto a chair wrapped round Shane's neck (Michaels himself did a better sell job with Kane did the same thing to him a couple of years back...hey, whatever happened to that feud anyway?) and with Big Show out of comission, Vince challenged the DX boys to fight him man to man. That of course led them to pull down Big Show's tights and stick Vince's head in Show's massive arse crack. Thoroughly revolting but hey, I guess what they say is right and Vince wont ask anyone to do anything he himself wouldn't. Anyway, that stupid comedy spot pretty much killed the intensity of it for me...until Triple H smashed a sledgehammer over the back of Vince's head after Vince had pretty much no-sold a superkick from Shawn. The visual of that was one of the sickest I'd seen since the camera barely caught it, kind of like only seeing the shadow of the alien in a horror movie or something. Whole thing went 20-25 minutes and was just blood and bumps the whole way with a surprisingly subdued crowd. I did get a kick out of the "You Screwed Bret" chants however, and hopefully the stretcher jobs at the end indicate this is the last we'll see of the McMahons for some time to come.

WWE Women's Title: Lita (c) vs. Trish Stratus

Trish's 'last' match (probably wishfull thinking on her part) and it was greeted by a surprisingly less-than-rabid crowd (presumably tired after the previous gore-fest and not really believing the retirement aspect of things since this is wrestling after all). The pre-match video package was pretty cool though and the match was OK but not as good as their singles match that main-evented Raw a while back. Some stuff looked sloppy and Trish seemed quite nervous and she slipped a couple of times and dropped the belt at the end but the pop for the sharpshooter was the loudest of the night and WWE actually put the belt on her so she could go out at the top. Not the time-honoured tradition of doing the job and avoiding a certain door hitting a certain part of the anatomy on the way out but the result everyone wanted to see on the night. And the title doesn't mean much anyway, keeping it on Lita won't achieve a whole lot either, espeically since she's quitting soon (with any luck).

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

Couple of thoroughly boring guys next in surprise, surprise, a thoroughly boring match. Going in, Orton needed the win far more than Carlito and that's what happened with a great finish - Carlito did a double springboard right into an RKO for the pin.

WWE Title - Tables, Ladders & Chairs: Edge (c) vs. John Cena

Hell in a Cell and TLC on the same show is just overkill in case you hadn't figured that out for youself yet. Since we were in Toronto, Edge was a huge babyface (despite getting booed out of the building at SummerSlam 2004 as a genuine babyface against heel Batista and tweener Chris Jericho). Cena of course was booed ouf of the building, moreso than usual. They screwed up a couple of spots (Cena noticably was pissed at this) but Edge covered well enough, and they both took the requisit ridiculous bumps from the ladders, over the ropes and through tables. Edge hit his spear, Lita ran-in, Cena gave Edge the FU from the ladder through two tables and grabbed the belt to reclaim his title. Probably the best and most dramatic match these two have had (though SummerSlam was pretty decent as well) but Cena just astounds me. They guy is so charismatic and such a great performer yet he's a dreadful wrestler, has some awful facials and just acts like the nerdiest wannabe cool guy ever.


- So in conclusion, it was like most WWE shows this year. Not particularly good, not particularly interesting, not particularly exciting, not particularly memorable but with enough to keep things from being a completely washout and a perfectly acceptable waste of 2:45. I'm not sure where things go from here though since reports point to DX vs. Edge & Orton plus the Umaga/Kane thing continuing. That would leave Cena without an opponent but I assume with Cyber Sunday on the horizon the fans will have in a say in that (to a degree) and hell, maybe I'll watch Raw tomorrow to see how things transpire.

---

NOTE: 24 hours later and here's a few Raw thoughts:

Umaga vs. Kane - I'm not really keen on WWE rushing out pay-per-view rematches on free TV the very next night, especdially when the previous night's match went to a very unsatisfying finish. It just makes you realise what a waste of time the PPV was. Anyway, this was fine and did a lot to put over the monster aspect of both guys to the point that I'm not entirely hating this feud. Of course, I still demand Umaga wins and Kane goes away but for now the DQ finish was the right thing to do and I assume they'll do so more gimmick related brawling/non finishes over the next few weeks leading to a fans pick the stipulation match at Cyber Sunday.

Ric Flair vs. Johnny - Flair's Flair and Johnny Jeter has been tremendous fun in the OVW I've been watching but here's the run-down on this one: chops, Johnny clips the knee, figure four attempt, more chops, Flair clips the knee, figure four, goodnight. Point?

Intercontinental Title - Johnny Nitro (c) vs. Randy Orton vs. Super Crazy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Masters vs. Carlito - Throwing four colossol bores in there with a broken down has-been and the good-but-tubby Super Crazy does not make for a good match. This was every man in the ring, first pin wins stuff and it was all really slow and pedestrian, like a battle royal but with everyone trying to score a pinfall in lieu of actually doing anything. And it went on for aaages. Finish had the suitably 'expected-for-a-lazily-thrown-together-six-way' feel about it as Orton hit the RKO on Nitro (to a big pop) but got caught with Carlito's backcracker. That left Carlito open to the Masterlock but Masters fell prey to Super Crazy, who bought one from Jeff Hardy who looked to have it sewn up before the original guy who got nailed with a finisher (Nitro) nipped in and stole the pin. Yawn. I assume in the Taboo Tuesday tradition, the fans get to a pick a challenger for the Intercontinental Title and I personally hope the deserving Super Crazy gets the shot but I think Jeff Hardy takes it with Orton a close second.

Lita vs. Candice Michelle - Man, losing Trish Stratus was such a blow for the women's division. The biggest loss since Molly Holly, Gail Kim et al. were sent packing back in 2004. Anyway, Lita led this one which meant the match sucked (though would have been even worse if Candice had led) and it was pretty long too until Mickie James came out for the distraction and Candice's powerbomb scored the win. I assume a babyface Mickie vs. heel Lita feud is the way they're going but I hope that doesn't screw up the interesting program they had in the works with Mickie and Beth Pheonix before she got injured.

DX (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) & WWE Champion John Cena vs. Edge, Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch - Its weird to see Cade & Murdoch go from default tag team champions to Heat regulars in less than 8 months then actually shoot back into main event matches over a two week span some months later. That demotion really hurt them too as they looked totally out of place here, as did Shawn Michaels' sudden barbaric chair swinging which led to the feeble DQ finish. I'd guess it's the fans choice bewtween Edge/Triple H/Michaels as to who gets the title shot at Cena's belt on Cyber Sunday and which two guys team up and win the tag belts. Ho hum.

- Well, a crappy episode and so much for Vince McMahon disappearing after Hell in a Cell as he was mentioned in literally every segment tonight. I also hope the skit with Shelton Benjamin complainign he wasn't picked to be on McMahons' team because he was black was a one-off comment and not his new gimmick. I'm sick of the WWE's attempt to get racism over. Nobody liked it to begin with and it's not suddenly going to get over because you've been forcing it down our throats. Kindly take it and fuck off.

WWF Raw Is War (14.09.1998)

Yet more unmarked tape to DVD transferring leads to me to this:

- We kick things of with an episode of The Love Shack, Dude Love's talk show. But the Dude isn't here, rather Mick Foley is. Mick's upset you see because last week Mr. McMahon named The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust as the number one contended to Steve Austin's WWF Title since Dude Love failed to get the job done at Unforgiven. Vince eventually strides out to tell Foley to quit whining and complaining and books a match tonight with Foley against his mentor Terry Funk telling him that he needs to beat Funk to earn back his number one contender status. Austin shows up and chases everyone away.

- Last week, Owen Hart kicked Ken Shamrock in the nuts and joined extremist black power group The Nation Of Domination. You know, because Owen is African-Canadian and all that.

Owen Hart & WWF Intercontiental Champion The Rock vs. Steve Blackman & Faarooq

Commisioner Slaughter comes down to send D'Lo Brown, Mark Henry and The Godfather to the back to ensure there's no interference. He should be so lucky. Owen pairs off with Blackman to start which is pretty good whilst Rocky and Faarooq go at it. That isn't so good. Blackman takes over things and looks out of his depth, messing up a legscrew. Owen looks bored at times, though I can't imagine he was particularly excited with his new gimmick and career prospects at this point. Faarooq hits a sweet piledriver on The Rock but comes back with a DDT and that allows Owen to get the heat segment in on Faarooq. Faarooq of course gets the desperation spinebuster and the hot tag to Blackman (though the crowd is somewhat tepid) and Blackman comes in with some intense martial arts stuff. That's the cue for a run-in from Jeff Jarrett who distracts Blackman long enough for his future tag team partner to get the spinning wheel kick and the pin. Solid match. **1/2

Next we go to an hilariously overblown 1980's video package on stooge Gerlad Brisco, narrated by Vince McMahon himself who even manages to work in a plug for the Brisco Brother's Bodyshop but fails to make the expected Pat Patterson "rear end work" joke. "Everything I have in the world I owe to Vince MaycMayn" notes a gushing Brisco.

- Edge promo. He's coming to try and make Raw entertaining 8 years from now.

- D-Generation-X hit the ring for purile promo time but that gets interrupted by LOD 2000 leading to some amusing back and forth banter from Hawk. "If you're Mr. Ass then Road Dogg is Mr. Hole, you two make a fine pair. Hunter - I guess that makes you Mr. Nose and Chyna, well, you're just Mr." Guffaw. "Why don't you talk to THIS?" enquires X-Pac. "I can't see it" responds The Hawkster. Hawk also brings up something about dingleberry's from an old man's sweaty buttcrack but the gist of it is that he wants the upcoming New Age Outlaws vs. DOA match switched into a DX vs. DOA & LOD 8-man tag. DX accepts.

- Last week, Paul Bearer had shocking news for The Undertaker - Kane is Bearer's son!

- Also last week, Dan 'The Beast' Severn broke all ties with his manager Jim Cornette.

Dan Severn vs. Savio Vega

According to Jim Ross, Vega is a "catch-as-catch-can master". It's more like catch-as-catch-can't though as Severn puts Vega away with an armbar choke in about 30 seconds.

- Backstage, Jerry Lawler is prepping for an interview with Paul Bearer but the camera accidentally gets left on instead of going to break and Lawler, unaware any of this is being broadcast, goads Bearer into telling him about the time he "nailed" The Undertaker's mother and "slipped her the salami". Bearer was 19 at the time and apparently quite studly. So now you know.

- Back from the commercial break a solomn Jerry Lawler apologises for the previous segment going out.

- Last week, Sable publicly challenged Marvellous Marc Mero. This week, she worked out at the gym.

Marc Mero vs. Jeff Jarrett

Steve Blackman rushes the ring and jumps Jarrett to get revenge for Jarrett's earlier run-in before this one can even get started. http://www.thehistoryofwwe.com gives Mero the count-out win so whatever.

Ted Arcidi vs. Barry O

No, really. You see, minus the American TV commercials, Raw didn't run long enough to fit with the UK TV commercials so each week at the end of the first hour they'd throw in a 'classic match' for us lucky Brits to digest, and the result was this. So it's March 8th, 1986 at the Boston Gardens and local boy Arcidi is making his debut against the uncle of a certain 'Legend Killer'. Power move from Arcidi, stall, O runs around the ring to lure Arcidi in, gets in some token offence, Arcidi slaps on the bearhug and that's all she wrote. Always nice to hear Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes announcing mind. Better than having to put up with Michael Cole during that first hour. Incidentally, Arcidi will be participating in the WWF vs. NFL Battle Royal at WrestleMania 2 so y'all might want to check that out.

D-Generation-X (WWF European Champion Triple H, WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws & X-Pac) vs. The Disciples Of Apocolypes (8-Ball & Skull) & The Legion Of Doom (Hawk & Animal)

Back in the present day, it's eight man tag team time and to ensure it stays that way, Commissioner Slaughter throws LOD's manager Sunny out of the arena. He then demands that Chyna leave also but it transpires that she's wrestling and X-Pac is the one leaving (he was recovering from a neck injury at the time and they saved his big comeback match for a bout with Owen Hart at the King of the Ring). The little mopeds that The New Age Outlaws ride down to the ring to poke fun at DOA's motorbikes is pretty funny (and memorable since it was featured on the cover of the first wrestling fanzine myself and a friend attempted to construct when he first got a PC).

Anyway, Jerry Lawler on commentary makes some cutting edge viagra jokes - "stuck in my throat, stiff neck, yadda yadda" whilst DOA wear out the male population of DX until Billy
gets a Rocker Dropper and Chyna comes in with a hurracanrana on Skull. Commercials.

Back with more DOA clubbering and Hawk finally gets in on a hot tag and he takes out the DX males by himself. Hawk lowers his head though and that gives Chyna a chance to come back in with a few kicks and she goes up top. Hawk knocks her to the floor but that brings in DX and Chyna gets back in with a low-blow to puts Hawk down. She goes after DOA on the outside giving DX the chance to come in for a 3-on-1 beatdown on Hawk. Heat segment on Hawk next before he gets the hot tag to 8-Ball. I take it Animal must be injured or something since he never gets in but as I type that, an argument with him and Skull leads to a big brawl and their team just dissolves from there. The suits come out to break it up and no decision is ever registered.

- Classic "time has not silence the crowd" Attitude promo.

- During the break, the brawl between between the LOD and the DOA continued backstage.

Goldust vs. Kane

It's a battle of the freaks that I struggle to pay attention before The Undertaker runs down and goes after Paul Bearer. That draws Kane out long enough for the count-out win for Goldust.

- The WWF's Slam Of The Week: The Undertaker gives Barry Windham a tombstone piledriver.

- AWESOME promo on the history of the Funk/Foley relationship. They hang out at a Raw taping and we see clips of Funk and Cactus in ECW. Bombs, barbed wire and explosions from IWA-Japan make their American TV debut next as Foley and Funk are loaded into an ambulance following the King of the Death Match tournament. "Wasn't that fun!" exclaims Mick. He says that was the first time he called anywhere looking for work, just so he could have the chance to wrestle his idol. Following that, he went to the WWF in search of championship glory. Funk's alter-ego Chainsaw Charlie soon showed up because "he loves Cactus Jack". They totally
should have played this promo before the ECW One Night Stand match. It's absolutely awesome. Next we go to the cage match from earlier this year where Foley & Funk lost the tag team titles back to The New Age Outlaws and the new DX was formed. Now Foley wants to walk alone, and the King of the Hardcores sold out by turning into corporate ass-kisser Dude Love. Funk says he loves him like a son but if he has to beat him up then he will. This whole video gave the match a huge sense of importance, like a pay-per-view main event. Just absolutely fantastic.

- Meanwhile, Val Venis is coming. Just ask Jenna Jameson.

Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk


FUN FACT: This is the first ever match in which Mick Foley was announced under his real name and real home town. Stone Cold Steve Austin joins us on commentary and Pat Patterson is unexpectedly announced as the special guest referee. They start by bashing each others brains in with steel chairs as Austin's microphone breaks so he steals Lawler's then just decks The King for good measure. Into the crowd they fight and it's Tupelo, 1982 as we hit the concession stands. The vendors take a pounding then the weapons come out. Funk goes up to the stands and hits a completely barmy moonsault onto Foley on the floor. As a 14 year old kid watching this I was completely blown away, espcially by the fact that Funk could pull out a moonsault like that at his age. They then go through the table on the concrete floor and there's popcorn and candy everywhere. Under the bleachers they go and this is just absolutely wild as we hit the commercials.

Backstage, more tables get destroyed and more garbage goes flying but Patterson's counts look dubiously slow. Production cases begin rolling as we come back to the arena and they fight down the ramp. They both know how tough each other is so they've only just started to bother going for pins. The announce table gets torn up and Foley drops a chair assisted elbow off the ring apron onto Funk who's on the table. Foley decides this is an opportune time to get in Austin's face which the crowd is really hyped for. Austin hilariously apologises for his langauge at this point as usually he swears a lot more. Double arm DDT from Foley would normally do it but this is Terry Funk so it only gets two. Foley then finally scores the pin with a piledriver on a steel chair. Crazy brawl that cemented Foley as a threat to Austin after he'd already blown his big shot at the pay-per-view and led to a previously unexposed 14 year old kid gaining a new respect for tough old bastard Terry Funk. ***1/2.

-Post match, Foley continues the punishment so Austin gets in his face about it and throws beer in Foley's eyes. Patterson then pushes Austin who shoves him into the waiting arms of a blinded Mick Foley who slaps the Mandible Claw on Patterson by mistake. The timing these guys had was just great since that didn't look hokey in the slightest.

So now Austin's ready to fight and of course since this is just Raw, Mick leaves. Patterson tastes a Stone Cold Stunner instead before the Dude Love music hits and Mr. McMahon arrives, bringing things full circle as forgives Foley and presents him with his Dude Love tights and a pair of strippers. Everyone then does a HORRIBLE dance which is probably the single funniest thing Vince McMahon has ever done. Even Austin completely cracks up on camera at Vince's less-than-slick moves. Just tremendous entertainment and a fine piece of storytelling.



- Overall then, the show wasn't so great but the Foley/Funk match was made out to be a pretty big deal and was almost what you'd call "pay-per-view quality" in that if you'd paid money to see it, it would definitely have been worth it. The storytelling aspect was just great as everything came full circle and was really entertaining. The rest of the show was just filler but it mostly still had a purpose and moved feuds along and such and the eight-man tag wasn't too bad of a match so on the whole it was useful waste of 90 minutes but nothing I'd worry about tracking down if you've got the Mick Foley's Greatest Hits and Misses DVD (which features the Foley/Funk bout plus Vince's hilarious dancing session).

WWF Raw Is War (17.01.2000)

From the file marked "Pick an unmarked tape, convert to DVD, post some thoughts on the blog". And why not?

So we're at the New Haven Coliseum in Connecticut for Raw but just for some perspective, here's what went down on the Jakked taping:

Papi Chulo d. Unknown (dark match)
Hardcore Holly & Crash Holly d. The Mean Street Posse (Pete Gas & Joey Abs)
Too Cool (Scotty II Hotty & Grandmaster Sexay) d. Kaientai (Taka Michinoku & Sho Funaki)
Viscera vs. Gangrel went to a no-contest
Davey Boy Smith d. Kevin Landry by pinfall

Sounds OK I suppose, the tag matches don't look too bad. Death count is already at two though (Crash Holly, Davey Boy Smith) though the status of Kevin Landry is not something I'm aware of so maybe it's three.

For added perspective - this is the go home show prior to the 2000 Royal Rumble.

Raw Is War

- Opening promo has Cactus Jack challenge Triple H to a fight, no titles on the line. Clips from the Cactus Jack comeback match in 1997 (where he pinned HHH after a good brawl) air on the TitanTron and Triple H answers the challenge. He brings out the rest of D-Generation-X for the 4-on-1 beatdown until The Rock comes in for the save. Big Show wanders out next and he disposes of The Rock then goes after DX. I guess he was a tweener then. Acolytes (Faarooq & Bradshaw) run-in next since they've got The Outlaws for the title at The Rumble and it's all a big brawl until DX scarpers.

-Video package: On SmackDown! last week, Big Boss Man & Prince Albert had more miscomunication problems in a tag team match against The Hardy Boyz, leading to a Boss Man/Albert split.

WWF Hardcore Title: Big Boss Man (c) vs. Test

They do the standard Hardcore brawl and fight backstage. Into the toilets in fact, then back out to the ring where Prince Albert gets involved, allowing Test to take control and he scores the pin and the title following a nightstick-assisted elbow drop off the top rope.

D'Lo Brown & The Godfather vs. Edge & Christian

Short tag match, Edge ends up with the ho's outside and Christian gets pinned. Nothing happening here apart from the "with the benefit of hindsight" subtext going on Godfather offers the ho's to the losers anyway since they're all babyfaces and not playa haters and Edge retreats from Godfather's three skanks who try to come on to him.

- Backstage, Big Boss Man and Giant Bernard continue to fight, all the way into Tori's locker room in fact. Tori goes to Triple H and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley (who are running the show ever since Vince decided to take time off at the end of 1999) and demands punishment for Albert so we get Albert vs. Kane later tonight. Hey, she said punishment for Albert not punishment for all of us!

Kurt Angle vs. Mystery Opponent

Angle has a mystery opponent at the Rumble so he has one here too in order to prepare. Since he knows everyone in the WWF locker room, he'll have no problem. Neat bit of psychology there (his Rumble opponent was Tazz, fresh from ECW who Angle wouldn't have known). Anyway, the mystery man tonight is Steve Blackman. Story here is the backstage cutaway to Triple H and Steph. See, Steph clearly had a crush on Angle and Triple H didn't like it so he was the one who arranged for The Lethal Weapon to dismantle Kurt. Davey Boy Smith gets involved though and canes Blackman in the nuts for an easy Angle win which delights Stephanie and infuriates Hunter. Man, this didn't even come to a head until SummerSlam, eight months later. EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS ahead they were planning stuff, unlike now where pay-per-view undercards are thrown together on a weeks notice. Yikes.

- Next it's a preview for the Miss Royal Rumble Swimsuit contest. Terri wins favour by claiming "less is more", whilst WWF Women's Champion The Kat (remember when non-wrestlers like her held the title?) claims she doesn't need any strategy and everyone should remember Armageddon (where she whipped her baps out on live pay-per-view). B.B. (Hardcore Holly's girlfriend) claims that "bigger is better" before Ivory calls everyone a pervert. Jacqueline and Luna Vachon then rip off Ivory's dress and she's such a MILF in her nighty. Phwoar! Mae Young then waddles down and threatens to whip 'em out which disgusts everyone but at least there's no chance of that happening at the pay-per-view, right?

- The WWF Slam of the Week sees Test win the Hardcore Title earlier tonight.

The Acolytes (Faarooq & Bradshaw) vs. DX (WWE Champion Triple H & X-Pac)

"Watch Triple H and learn how to stun!" notes Stephanie on commentary. Indeed. Acolytes dominate to start, heels take over for a bit, Acolytes dominate again and The Outlaws run-in for the DQ, you know how it goes. That DX is so clever for orchestrating all this.

- Meanwhile, Michael Cole is in San Antonio with an update on Steve Austin's spinal surgery. It went well enough but he wont be back in the ring for a good few months at least.

Buh Buh Ray Dudley vs. Jeff Hardy

This is from before Bubba became a total fatass and Jeff became a total screwup. Remember when these guys were still fresh? Anyway, D-Von Dudley goes after Terri (and who could blame him?) which allows Jeff to get the swanton for the three. Post match, The Dudley's get 3D's on both Jeff and Matt Hardy, then lay Jeff on a table and superbomb (as called by J.R.) Matt through Jeff and the table, neatly setting up their double tables match at the Royal Rumble.

WWF Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rikishi

Despite being a dancin' machine and wishing to show off his patented steps - the Great Caesar's Ghost and the Electric Banana, Jericho is simply out here to destroy Rikishi. And that he does for about 12 seconds until Rikishi takes over, the referee gets bumped and the fun kicks in. First, Hardcore and Crash Holly run-in but Rikishi fights them both off and he tries to put Jericho in the Rikishi driver and has to stall for ages as Chyna misses her cue and runs in an age later for the low blow. She then chews out Jericho for taking an Intercontinental title defence so close to the Rumble (she and Jericho were 'co-champions' and in a triple threat match with bizarre choice Hardcore Holly at the big one) and they both get clotheslined by Rikishi for their troubles. No wonder this guy got so popular, he was just killing everyone here. He gives Chyna a belly-to-belly and goes for the second rope buttsplash but the referee is revived in time to see Hardcore nail Rikishi with a steel chair, giving the big man the disqualification win. Jericho has already left with the belt at this point so Too Cool fly in for the save and Rikishi gives Crash the Rikishi Driver which looks fucking great, and then they all dance. These guys were OVER but the crowd was weird during the match, being deadly quiet as they concentrated as hard as possible to try and follow the storylines but popping after each cavet unfolded.

- Backstage, Cactus Jack tells The Big Show he needs to work things out with The Rock because they all have a common enemy in the form of DX.

Prince Albert vs. Kane

Tori looks awesome. This match does not. It's mercifully short though, and Kane wins. Afterwards, Albert says he thinks Kane likes to be dominated by women...and so does he. I don't think it went anywhere but at least even the shittiest of stuff had angle development going on which you can't really say about the product in 2006.

- Backstage, Cactus Jack tells The Rock he needs to work things out with The Big Show because they all have a common enemy in the form of DX.

The Rock & The Big Show vs. The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn)

Naturally, Rock and Show just brawl with each other as soon as they hit the ring, playing off the earlier Cactus Jack warnings. Eventually (inevitably?) it boils down to a heat segment on The Rock and The Outlaws do their thing until Rock ends up on the floor and Show gives him a Giant headbutt. The heat continues as show plays full blown heel before Rock finally has enough and smashes him over the head with a steel chair allowing Gunn to get the pin. Post match, Rock is still pissed so he gives Show The People's Elbow for good measure as Triple H looks on and laughs menacingly. The only problem with the Rock/Big Show feud for me was that it might quite clear that nobody else had a hope in hell of winning The Royal Rumble that year since the spotlight was placed firmly on those two, and whaddaya know? They were the last two in. Still, that was probably better than a Rock/Show singles match so you win some you lose some I guess.

I usually don't like go home shows but this was a throughly fine waste of 90 minutes less commercials and actually makes me want to watch Royal Rumble 2000 again. The thing I noticed was how intricate and well booked it all was. Sure, it was mostly bad wrestling coupled with run-ins and comfortable finishes but every single segment on the show furthered an angle or storyline and built to something down the line. You just don't see that on Raw in 2006 where John Cena and Edge, and DX and The McMahons both have issues but do the same shit every week and the rest of the card is seemingly left to pot luck. You had far more scope for movement too as you not only had more main event talent mixing with each other (Big Show and Rock had the issue but both crossed into the Cactus Jack/Triple H feud) but the big stars were mixing with the guys on the undercard too, bringing everyone up (WWF Champion HHH being pissed off with Stephanie's attraction to newcommer Kurt Angle, upper mid-carder Kane facing undercarder Albert who was messing about with Big Boss Man at Hardcore Title level). RAW is sorely lacking this kind of booking and character development these days and it makes for some tedious and entirely predictable shows.

August Collected Pictures

~

WWP Summer Meltdown

20/08/2006, Newcastle-Upon-Tyne

Well, the day starts out innocently enough. It's any other Sunday - Hollyoaks on T4 followed by a big Sunday lunch then a few hours lounging around before the football starts. Then I get a phone call. "Alright mate, fancy doing a shoot interview with Roderick Strong?" Bizarre. "By the way, we're filming in 40 minutes so get ready. Fuck.

The shoot itself lasted about an hour and Roderick had plenty to say about his (short) career thus far and gave us his opinions on anything and everything. He grew up watching Hogan, he loves tag team wrestling and his favourite of all time is Dynamite Kid. Can't really argue with that. I even got to ask him about STING~! Also to be filmed for the DVD release was that evening's match in Newcastle for the upstart WWP promotion. I don't know what WWP means (World Wrestling Promotion perhaps?) but it led to the old favourite - Wrestling Road Trip!

We got to the venue with seconds to spare at which point myself and 3CW/1PW ring announcer/commentator Stevie Aaron decide to find a takeaway somewhere and shoot the shit. We eventually found a place that will make you a pizza from anything they have on the list, including eggs. No idea if you have a say in how the eggs get cooked ("two scrambled, one raw please mate") and I ended up getting a cheeseburger anyway. Conversation ranged from 1PW stories to reminising about when Bobby Heenan brought Ric Flair into the WWF in 1991.

Needless to say, we arrived late for the show.

Omér Ibrahim vs. Boogie Knights

Missed it. Boogie Knights was apparently doing a Mick Foley gimmick and this was a hardcore match so I doubt it was anything special. Omér does a Turkish gimmick which is something I've not heard since that episode of Porridge - "Godber, this room now smells like a Turkish wrestler's jockstrap!" I have thus far declined permission to give Omér's panties a whiff to experience that particular nasal nasty for myself. Omér won, btw.

Team England vs. Team Scotland

Only just made it back in time for the end of this as The Wright Stuff (representing England) beat baldy 'Highlander' Colin McKay and buff 'Bad Boy' Liam Thompson just as it should be. Paul Gascoigne would have loved it, even if the English team looked like jabronis. Post match, Team England dances in the ring for AGES with a drunk guy. Way too long.

Rio vs. Lexx

I don't really know either girl to be honest and I didn't know who was who for a long time since I was too busy polishing off my chips to notice ring introductions. It was okay stuff for indy girls and there weren't any noticable fuck ups like I was (perhaps unjustly) expecting. Match ended when Assassin interfered on behalf of Lexx and she took the cheap win.

Davey Richards vs. Shaun Avery

At last! Something I was looking forward to. This was my first look at Richards (in the flesh OR on DVD - I really need to catch up on the 2006 ROH) and I saw for myself where all the hype is coming from. He was the first guy on the show who actually combined looking like a wresler with acting like a wrestler and working like a wrestler, everyone else look like a scrawny kid or had the talent but not much of a look or a comedy gimmick. Speaking of scrawny kids, enter Shaun Avery who looked completely out of his depth against Richards. He had some decent ring gear (not so much with the entrance gear though), and was skinny as a rake, really pale and had face that said "I'm 14 years old and I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me". It actually looked like it was going to be a WWE weekend TV squash match looking just based on the look of each guy but sadly Avery was booked to get his offence in rather than get killed and it really hurt the match for me. His comebacks just weren't believable since Richards was clearly league ahead of the guy. Not that Avery didn't have some nice spots, it's just his timing and selling weren't really believeable. Imagine Rey Mysterio beating Mark Henry or The Great Khali - sure, at the time he should have been getting the underdog wins, but realistically, it's just not believeable. He was getting far too much in and getting up far too quick from attacks for me to want to engage myself into the match, and I was scared he was going to win at one point. Fortunately, sense prevailed and Richards went over which reaffirmed my belief that Raven knows everything (on one of his Secrets of the Ring DVD's he says the big names should [mostly] go over because it's what people want to see and that was very true here - I was pleased Richards won and would have been pissed off if he hadn't). As for Richard's performance, he was the first guy who realised he didn't need to take bumps on a spot show like this and stalled accordingly, being thoroughly hilarious in doing so. Highlight was probably Roderick Strong (sat with us in the corner) throwing empty bottles at Richards until Richards' screamed "I'm not wrestling until he gets taken out of here!"

Interval -- Tracy Smothers says hello and young WWP promoter Shiny Shoes comes out with a triple album of "The Best Rock Hits...Ever!" and asks Roderick to "pick a number, any number". So THAT's why everyone is coming out to ridiculous power ballads and 80's hair metal. I did wonder. Hell, this thing even has Wheetus on it! Nobody will pick that though, not in a million years!

BJ Whitmer vs. Carbon vs. Liam 'The Player' Atkinson

More ROH next and more "experienced guy plays it smart and does nothing whilst the nobodies kill each other in front of the 50 or so on hand". He must have stood for a good 8-to-10 minutes in the corner while Atkinson (so non-descript that I don't remember a single thing about him, and I've seen him twice now) and Carbon (who's got a decent look and plays a solid babyface character but has a rubbish name) battled it out. Whitmer eventually got involved, Carbon eventually won, that was that. Oh, apart from the fact Carbon came out to Wheetus. What a geek.

Tracy Smothers, Darkisde & Jed Masters vs. Los Pervitos & El Ligero

50 minutes this went. No, really. Started with about 20 minutes stalling from the ever amusing Pervito brothers (though they didn't explain why mortal enemy Ligero was suddenly teaming with them, damn promoters not following other promotions' storylines!) Tracy meanwhile was visibly cracking up like never before at the antics of the Mexican team (who hail from Leeds and Canada as it happens). Tim hit the old squeaky voice routine which had everyone in fits, particularly Smothers. Speaking of Smothers, once the action got going, he was ON. Ordinarilly he would come out, do his FBI gimmick, dance a little then go home but the former Smoky Mountain Wrestling Beat The Champ Television Champion was an absolute house of fire here. I guess he somehow inherited the workrate of Scottish talent Darkside who did uncharacteristically little in this one (with what later transpired to be a broken wrist courtesy of Matt Sydal from the previous evening's 1PW show). It started to drag a bit at this point and then just kept going. On and on it went before it turned into a complete clusterfuck and Tracy got mad since he wanted to get in a 619(!) but never got the chance. Dance-off came and went with Shiny Shoes playing the wrong music (Tracy wanted the FBI theme) and not playing it long enough for The Wild Eyed Southern Boy to get his entire routine in. Completely sick of the whole thing, Tracy fucked up Ligero with a powerbomb for a pinfall that couldn't have come soon enough before he stormed out leaving Darkside and Masters to celebrate. It was later noted that this was probably the worst match any of the other five guys had had but likely not the worst match Masters has had which I think says a lot about the look and the overall talent of the majority of wrestlers from the Newcastle-based IWF promotion (who are providing the majority of the show tonight).

Roderick Strong vs. Dragon Aisu vs. Lance Thunder vs. Sean David vs. Youngsta Avery

Shiny Shoes had at some point realised this show was really overbooked and running far too long (a triple threat followed by a six-man tag and then this!?) and had actually bumped ANOTHER scheduled multi-man match pitting 3CW talents Sean David, Cameron Kraze and Dan Evans together in a three-way and whilst Kraze and Evans sat it out in the crowd, David somehow managed to worm his way into this match turning a four-way into a five-way. It was actually his first ever match too so he'll always have the footnote of being in a ring with ROH and former TNA star Roderick Strong in the first bout of his career. Sadly for David, it didn't go down too well as a his pre-match mic work earned him a quick pasting and he was gone. Back to the four-way then. Dragon Aisu clearly couldn't be arsed (how do I know? He told me so) and didn't bother wearing the mask out to the ring. Some wrestlers have indications of when they're phoning it in or not, that is his. He went pretty quick. Youngsta Avery (skinng, young, pale, pony tailed kid in a t-shirt and kickpads) went after the loudest chop I've ever heard courtesy of Roderick Strong. Strong meanwhile was in full ass-kicking mode, and like the Richards/Shaun Avery match earlier was clearly a much more polished performer than Lance Thunder. Now don't get me wrong, I think Lance Thunder's a pretty fair talent - he's got some size and he's got some skill, he just needs the muscle mass - but you could see just the little things like timing put Roderick on a whole higher skill level.

Roderick killed Lance with an endless stram of chops and a kick to the face then decided to go walkabout. He put Thunder on the social club's bar and beat him up some more, stole some electrical tape from a boistrous kid in the front row and choked him out with it then slapped him across the back...with a foam finger. "Boo!" Then, a drunk guy who had been on the ring earlier shouting obsenities at Tracy Smothers whacked Roderick in the back with a foam finger of his own. Selling it at first, Roderick soon realised it was the drunken idiot and promtly unleashed a loogie right in the guy's face.

Back in and Roderick killed him some more before Thunder got the fluke win to retain his WZW title. Earlier in our shoot interview, Roderick had said he'd never really had the chance to cut any promos before so actually took the opportunity to do so here, both before and after the match. Despite Thunder's limited comebacks, Strong called him "one tough motherfucker" and "a worthy champion".

Iceman vs. Assassin

Earlier in the night, Assassin had cut a promo with a guy dressed like Iceman (which was a bit lifted from the DX parodies of the Nation of Domination in 1997) but it hadn't been accurate enough for my liking. It gets noted that "he didn't say 'shit' in an attempt to get heat so it's not really that good of a parody". The real Iceman then comes out and calls Assassin "a piece of shit" in his first sentence. That's the thing with Iceman, unlike a lot of UK promo guys, he's legiable and doesn't sound like a timid little boy or an all out tool but he relies on calling people "shit" to get noticed. Anyway, this is the blowoff for the angle, Iceman does his usual (needlessly slapping Assassin around hardway) and hits the cannonball before Assassin got the win after Highlander Colin McKay ran in and decked Ice Cream Man with a steel chain for seemingly no reason. Iceman then helpfully explained that McKay had been chasing him all around the country and he was sick of it. "Chain match, right here, right now!" Ye'gads. Fortunately for everyone, McKay declined, setting it up for the next show instead. Thank fuck.

Far too long, and loads of bad wrestling in a dingy little working men's club. Awful.

Highlight of the night - Shiny Shoes announcing on the P.A. that some lazy fuck has parked in the disabled car space to prevent being faced with an extra 12 yard walk round the corner. Rise then local wrestler General Trent Steel, to rapturous applause.

Post show - Tracy Smothers talks things out with Ligero then comes up to me and says we really need to get our shoot interview finished. I'd love to get it done too but unfortunately I don't think we'll be able to catch up anytime soon. We touch knuckles in a show of solidarity however. 3CW promoter Mike Groom is ready for bed, as am I. Unfortunately, myself, Dragon Aisu and 3CW referee Matt Wilkinson end up at Stevie Aaron's house to order the SummerSlam pay-per-view. Thoughts on that:

Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam (Ladder Match) - From ECW on Sci-Fi just before the pay-per-view, Big Show chokeslams Sabu on a piece of paper. DANGEROOUUUUUUUUS!

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero - How the hell did they manage to make people hate Rey? Everyone resents the angle and why the hell does Vicky Guerrero need to be involved. Ended up a decent match but it could have been a decent match without the horrible angle.

ECW Title: The Big Show vs. Sabu - Probably better than expected, not particularaly good. Big Show retains.

Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Orton - Two bad knees and Hogan still wont lie down for anyone, not even the guy who's gimmick is that he beats legends. Match was Hogan, crowd was hot.

I Quit match: Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley - Foley dominated and Flair bled, then Flair dominated and Foley bled. Then Flair won when Foley quit to prevent Flair from nailing Melina with a barbed wire baseball bat. Did I mention the blood?

World Title: King Booker vs. Batista - The only outright stinker of the show, just a boring match with no interest and a screwy finish.

DX (Shawn Michaels & Triple H) vs. The McMahons (Mr. & Shane) - As good as these guys were ever going to get, overbooked enough to be entertaining throughout. Spirit Squad runs in (killing Aisu's wretched belief that we were going to get a Spirit Squad/Highlanders tag title match) and get creamed. William Regal, Fit Finlay and Ken Kennedy run in and also get creamed. Big Show runs in and he and the SmackDown! guys put HHH through the ringside table long enough for the McMahons to get a heat segment on Shawn. They run through some classic double-team moves (The Hart Attack, The Demolition Decapitation [called as such which made me giddy], The Doomsday Device), Hunter comes back, Umaga runs in, Kane (who I'm not a fan of) runs in and runs him off, Shane comes off the top, Michaels catches him with the superkick, pedigree and that was that. Helmsley got a weaker reaction than Hogan. Take THAT!

WWE Tite: Edge vs. John Cena - Cena's stuff looked as piss weak as ever, the guy is just useless when it comes to actual moves and he pissed us all off royaly. Still, they put forward a match that was never predictable as we really had no idea who was going to win. It was Edge btw. "Imagine if they ran the second biggest show of the year and put Hogan on third and over their top investment for the future then had the heel win the main event over the hometown babyface" said I. And they only fucking did.

Overall, a fun show but nothing you'd watch again. Maybe Foley/Flair. What I did notice though was how things in WWE have changed. They used to run the B-PPVs as build-up shows for big events like SummerSlam, but with three different brands now, they can sell the A-shows on the novelty of Raw, SmackDown! and ECW guys all on the same show with three major singles title matches, and not one feature match included anyone below mid-card status. In turn, that has now put WWE in a position where they don't need to worry about having a big blowoff match for the show just as long as they have a big match and something to sell the single branded pay-per-veiws with. Look at like this - Rey/Chavo had a screwy finish and will continue (possibly to WrestleMania after Rey has his knee fixed). Sabu is still chasing Big Show (who likely wont drop the belt until December To Dismember). Hogan/Orton and Flair/Foley both look to be done but with a lack of heel challengers of SmackDown!, Batista's title win has been held off for a while yet, DX/McMahons are moving on to a Hell In A Cell match next month (and their bout set up a future Umaga/Kane (who I'm not a fan of) showdown also likely for the next Raw branded show), and Edge retained his WWE title against Cena when a big babyface win to blowoff the feud looked likely, and they'll now meet in a TLC match next month. How times have changed.